Letters to Businesses.com

Dear Wal Mart,

I want to thank you.

I was mindlessly flipping through the junk that comes with my Sunday newspaper when I found your flier for lunchboxes. It was there that I found a “Mom Tip.” It was Mom Tip # 37 to be exact and it told me to “pack a little note in the lunch bag.”

In case you don’t remember, here it is:

 

Thanks Wal Mart! Sometimes I wonder what I would do without all your fabulous parenting help. I really take comfort in the fact that I can always depend on a multinational corporation such as yourself for excellent advice on how to raise my kid. You know what they say, Wal Mart knows best.

But where on earth do your amazing maternal instincts come from? What are you, the illegitimate child of Sam Walton and Judy Bloom? Is there a little of good old Aunt Jamima in your blood?

What’s that Wal Mart? You’re the proud parent of not one but many children? I didn’t know! Perhaps it’s because most of them live in the third world. They’re the hard working children who sew your sweaters and package your socks for five cents a day. Why, here’s little Jimmy, hard at work making a sneaker:

 

Aww isn’t that cute. The little rascal looks focused. I wonder Wal Mart, what little note did you pack in his lunch today? Oh, wait, here it is!

 

You’re an All-Star parent Wal Mart! Mom of the year! Now I know where you find the inspiration for your Mom Tips. It’s the thousands of children you have just like little Jimmy! All the parenting experience has clearly taught you well. In fact, I wanted to gleam every last bit of wisdom you have on parenting, so I searched all over for the rest of your Mom Tips. Unable to locate any of the previous 36 tips, I was in despair.

But then I found it. Mom Tip Number One:

 

 

Inspiring. Literally. It inspired me to set up my own sweatshop right in my garage. My kid and his schoolyard chums come hang out and make sweaters for me. If they make less than 10 sweaters each, I hit them. If they reach their goal of 10 sweaters in a night, I give them an oreo cookie. I know, I know. You think I’m paying them too much, and for that I lower my head in shame. But hey, look on the bright side. By next year I’ll have a corporate jet to fly me around in style. =)

You know, I’m really coming around to the Wal Mart school of parenting. Keep the Mom Tips coming.

Sincerely,
CONCERNED

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