Letters to Businesses.com

Your stores suck and you’re going out of business. Netflix is kicking your ass in the online arena because it took you about five years too long to roll out an online option for your customers.

However, hope is not lost. Follow me here.

Your stores are lame

Yeah, 1980 called, and they want to know WHY THE HELL YOU HAVEN’T MADE YOUR STORES COOL.

Do I have to draw you a diagram? Fine. Here.

Hey there’s a novel idea! Make your stores cool so that people enjoy the experience of going to them! Oh my god! What a genius idea!

You idiots probably need another diagram. Lets look at a SUCCESSFUL business, Starbucks, who sells a freaking cup of coffee for TWICE AS MUCH as you charge for a rental.

Oh my god, here’s a novel idea. Soft lighting.Comfortable atmosphere. Couches. A place people LIKE to go. Maybe a nice movie playing with some leather seating.
It doesn’t take a genius to figure this shit out but then again, that’s why your stock is tanking and you’re about to go under.

I know the guys in charge are a bunch of 60-year old gray haired moneybags who can’t tell an ipod from a jar of caviar, but jesus christ at least pay someone with a coolness factor of 7 or higher to consult you.

You had it all blockbuster. I loved you. Do you hear me? I LOVED you. But your store didn’t change over the past 20 years and I grewup. It’s time to grow up. Either that or its time to get kicked to the gutter.

Sincerely,
Mac

Filed under: Video