Letters to Businesses.com

Dear Warner Music,

Times have never been tougher for the music industry. People are swapping entire collections of digital music over the internet, iTunes came out of no where and just decided a song was worth a flat rate of a dollar, and no one wants to buy CDs anymore. The very industry is threatened. It would seem you need to innovate, to come out with your best in order to once again capture a disenchanted audience.

The music video is a robust media platform that is more popular than ever with sites like YouTube and a million others sharing millions of videos a day to an audience of millions of viewers. One would think that to capture back old fans, a great music video would be about right for the triumphant return of one of the greatest rock bands ever, the Smashing Pumpkins.

You made a video, I’ll definitely give you that.

I saw the music video tonight for the new Smashing Pumpkins song: Tarantula. Don’t get me wrong, it’s a cool song. I dig the tune. But something is missing, some creative force that makes art “art”. Could it be a visual journey that promises to take the viewer to strange and new places?

You be the judge.

Watch the music video for Tonight, Tonight: a Smashing Pumpkins song from 1996.

The plot of the video is amazing:

Noble men and women are about to embark on the maiden voyage of some crazy mechanical blimp, and its being celebrated like the fucking Titanic.

Cut to blimp flying through SPACE.

Cut to patrons of the voyage observing earth through telescopes.

Cut to patrons step out on the deck, flying through space, together. Cut to love.

Pepper video with Billy Corgan singing.

Cut to couple on new planet. Strange new creatures, geological formations, shooting stars, and oh no! Bad guys!

Cut to girl kicking bad guy ass with her umbrella.

The couple is now tied up by the creatures of the new planet.

The couple fights back with umbrellas, which seem to be their only weakness. They hop on a nearby rocket and blast off through space only to crash in to the ocean, float to the bottom where they are saved by a merman with a trident who looks like the little mermaid’s dad, just in time to witness the opera of the night, a strange ballet of a giant octopus and four mermaids who then float the couple up to the surface to a steam ship to be rescues.

Now let’s have a screening of the new Smashing Pumpkins video: Tarantula.

Begin with Billy Corgan dressed up like Princess Leia, standing on a stage with a handful of backup dancers singers and guitarists. Who are these assholes? I want the Smashing Pumpkins.

Chorus: still Billy Corgan with musicians and backup dancers.

Billy Corgan tosses the mic between his two hands.

Some dude plays guitar.

Red lasers shoot out of Billy Corgans eyes.

More people play guitar.

Nothing changes.

End.

What the fuck.

What is going on? I demand an answer. I mean, are you too fucking stupid to realize that creative and interesting videos are going to make YOU money?? Or do you just not want to make any kind of interesting and culturally significant contribution to society? Let me give you a tip. Fire the overpaid asshole who comes up with this horse shit, and hire back the guy that was in charge in 1996.

This is fucking garbage. Not acceptable. Didn’t you get the memo that in the 21st century, you can be artistic AND profitable? Are you so out of touch with the younger generation that you have no clue we’re craving visually stimulating music videos?

Sincerely,
MUSIC VIDEOS SHOULD FUCKING BE CREATIVE

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