Your stores suck and you’re going out of business. Netflix is kicking your ass in the online arena because it took you about five years too long to roll out an online option for your customers.
However, hope is not lost. Follow me here.
Your stores are lame
Yeah, 1980 called, and they want to know WHY THE [...]
Filed under: Video
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Dear Old El Paso (and other distributors of Salsa worldwide),
I’ll keep this short and sweet. Please make your salsa jars half as tall, and twice as wide. I can’t fit my fucking chip into the jar assholes.
Sincerely,
Albert Fucking Einstein
Filed under: Uncategorized
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Dear McDonalds,
You invented the fast food industry. Starting out as a milk shake stand, you grew into a multinational corporation with billions and billions served. You gave birth to the drive through, and (somehow) made it a cultural icon. You single handedly drove the population of America to morbid obesity and yes, we’re [...]
Filed under: Fast Food
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Dear Halliburton,
You are one smooth operator, I gotta hand it to you. When your CEO gets tapped to be the Vice President of the United States, you know your company is in for some good times! It was with dollar signs in his eyes that Mr. Cheney stepped down from CEO of Halliburton (with plenty [...]
Filed under: Uncategorized
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Dear Wal Mart,
I want to thank you.
I was mindlessly flipping through the junk that comes with my Sunday newspaper when I found your flier for lunchboxes. It was there that I found a “Mom Tip.” It was Mom Tip # 37 to be exact and it told me to “pack a little note in the [...]
Filed under: Retail
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Dear Pfizer,
It has come to my attention that your new CEO, Jeffrey Kindler, is the old CEO of McDonalds.
Wow! Going from Big Macs to selective seratonin reuptake inhibitors is quite a leap! Thinking about the jump Mr. Kindler has made, from selling billions of burgers to selling billions of drugs, I’ve decided that [...]
Filed under: Pharmaceuticals
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